Captain Ireland of course was created by the Irish government as a peace keeping symbol of the Irish way of life, dipped into a vat of radioactive Guinness, the Green, orange, and White dynamo has dedicated himself to truth, justice, and debauchery.
Captain Ireland has a number of abilities that make him far and away above the mortal man:
- Super Human Strength
- The ability to recite all of Boondock Saints
- Can get drunk either super quick or not at all, depending on the temperature outside.
- Snakes get the fuck outta Dodge when he's around!
- The ability to pull off wearing a derby hat and yelling at people in Gaellic.
- Be Pale!
- And of course, lest we forget, Captain Ireland always has his trusty leprechaun by his side, who's been dead for 13 years, on straps attached to Cap's arm that he hurls at people as if it were a frisbee.
Weaknesses include: Not drinking! Things that are not green! Horsing around too little! Manual Labor in exchange for currency! Televisions with more than 3 channels! Every day that is not March 17th! Driving a car! Driving a car into a place that is not a lake! Driving a car that is not on fire! Driving a car that has wheels! Driving a car that has wheels that is not named "St. Patrick's Dick"!
So everyone can sleep well at night knowing that Captain Ireland is on the job and is coming to a town near you, dead or alive!