Wednesday, December 4, 2013
With Sony Pictures' recent announcement that Jamie Fox's Electro would be joined by the Rhino and the Green Goblin in next summer's Amazing Spider-Man 2, as shown in the poster above, the studio has decided to drop another bombshell for those anticipating next summer's blockbuster.
"Everyone thought we would be building up to the Sinister Six. You were sort of right. Add 64 million others to that number and you're almost there!" Confidently touted director, Marc Webb, who was given the job primarily based on Webb being an ironic last name for a guy who directs Spiderman movies. "It's going to be nuts! Fundamentally, the story of Spiderman is Peter Parker dealing with the adversity that's presented to him in his life, well imagine how hard its going to be for Peter to finish his homework when he's gotta punch Mussolini in the stashe and fight 14,000 interpretations of Satan!"
"I don't really follow what Marc does, what's this now?" Sony CEO responded when asked about the plans for the film. "No I don't read all of my emails. GOD DAMN IT TELL ME WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT!"
"Our story begins..." Webb describes, "with Electro, Green Goblin, and Rhino appearing for two minutes of the movie before giving way to Loki and Lex Luthor opening up a portal to reveal the Nothing from The Never Ending Story. From there, Hitler appears only to bring with him an army comprised of most of the horror movie slashers of the past 50 years!"
"HE DID WHAT? How the FUCK did he get the licensing for all these characters?" Sony CEO yelled to his assistant. "LINDA! LINDA THE FUCK IS HIS BUDGET AT?"
"We're at around 20 billion dollars for our budget as we speak, mostly going to the owners of the villains we intend to use. It's really going to be worth it when you see that the Joker was behind everything! No, we won't be using a digital reconstruction of the Heath Ledger, we actually put money into a resurrection device that will bring back Heath, as well as Caeser Romero, the 60s Batman television show Joker, and a device to make Jack Nicholson the age he once was when he played the Joker in the Batman movies. Three Jokers not enough for ya? Well we also hired Mark Hamill to reprise his version of the Joker that we're animating onto the screen right now as we speak!" Webb retorted.
"GET HIM ON THE PHONE! I just read the damn script and Spiderman only appears for 15 seconds! It's all a bunch of damn goobledy gook!"
"It's going to really recreate a sense of wonder when you see Spidey web slingin' his way to the Empire State Building to fight King Kong."
Amazing Spiderman 2 will be released into theaters next summer.