Thursday, January 23, 2014

Beliebers Fire Bomb State Capitol, Bieber Smirks

January 23, 2014 - On Thursday morning, Justin Bieber was arrested for driving under the influence on a strip of road in Miami, Florida. On Thursday afternoon, Beliebers called for blood. An attack has begun on the State Capitol by fans of the pop star, calling themselves "Beliebers", demanding that Justin Bieber be immediately released from prison and that he give them all his phone number.

"This is like the worst thing to ever happen to me ever like I don't even know." said Samantha Jones of Arkansas as she lit another molotov cocktail to fling at the State Capitol, "OMG GRENADE!"

A blast rang through as Samanta, who's Facebook status read that not much was going on in her life, was blown apart by a grenade flung by the chief of police, doing everything in his power to maintain.

"BELIEBERS! PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR PLACES OF RESIDENCE OR YOU WILL BE MET WITH EXTREME CONSEQUENCES! THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!" The chief's voice rang out to no avail, as the Beliebers were too busy texting to recognize anything he was saying. "It's a god damn madhouse here. I have my guys grilling this Beaver fella but they're getting nowhere."

Meanwhile, in Miami, Florida, Mr. Bieber is being interrogated by the state's finest.

"Ok, we're going to go over this one more time. How do we get them to stop?"

"Oh detective." Bieber smirked as he drunk his soy latte and fiddled with his designer ray ban sunglasses. "The only way to stop them is to give them exactly what they want. You know, this reminds me of my hit song, 'Baby Gurl, I love your eye shadow' wherein I know a baby gurl and I love her eye shadow."

"How does that relate at all to what's happening right now?!?!"

Bieber responded with silence as he began texting his management company, inquiring when he would have to go back on tour to entertain the "knobs".

"We're getting nowhere here! This is just like that Silence of the Lambs movie except there's no silence and there are NO lambs!"

At present, a cease fire has been called between the authorities and the Beliebers as the Justin Bieber fans ask their parents for more money on their data plans.