Fourth, He's fucking 15....AGAIN! He can't support a wife or a family with his paper route! In no time at all, he'll be blowing Mr. Witherbee behind the dumpster at the Malt Shop for a little spare change.
Ok, well aside from those points, lets diagnose exactly who Archie may propose to from the list of possible suspects.
Now that my friends is commitment. Betty is the usual "go to girl" whenever someone is asked between Betty and her arch rival, who we'll get into in a bit. Now she's a little shy and she's rough around the edges, but she's a girl who you can bring home to mother. Unfortunately, I think for the most part she'd be about as fun as a bucket of rocks to hang out with in general, but hey love conquers all. The second she screams out "Palin in '12!" Archie needs to book it fast and not look back. That youthful appearance isn't going to last forever sir, so you'd better cover your bases.
Who could forget Veronica? The evil one of the two stable choices for Archie. Evil because she's rich. And she's got black hair. Yep, evil. With her, you aren't marrying a smoking hot wife, you're marrying a smoking hot bank account. No question, she will forget about you as soon as you slap a wedding ring on that finger and start banging the starting lineup of the '96 Dallas Cowboys but hey, you're rich now too and I know Archie wouldn't be stupid enough to sign a prenuptual agreement on this one. So....Cha Ching!
Now I don't know who this is exactly, but she has the clap. NEXT!
4.) Big Ethel
Jesus Christ! Good God that is probably the most depressing thing ever. I think after attempting to rape Jughead, the next step in Ethel's master plan is to eat a bullet. She's never been really into Archie, so I suspect she's the only chick on the face of that fictional world not affected by his charms or she's secretly a man. Speaking of Jughead....
You know I couldn't finish this out without making the obligatory gay joke. I really don't see this happening, but not for the reasons you think. I think that if it ain't food, Jughead isn't interested. He is an asexual eating machine who strangely enough never gets fat. How odd. I can only imagine him on Friday nights.
"Hey Jughead, want to go get some pussy?"
"That's a funny way of saying hamburgers you asshole!"
Such is life. I guess we'll have to wait and see.