Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Being Tall is Lame

I'm 6'6. That is way above the norm when it comes to height. Its ridiculously tall. Everyone seems really jealous of the fact that I tower over most people but let's look at the downsides.

1.) I constantly get asked whether I played or still play basketball. Due to a bum knee and the fact that I'm whiter than Casper the Friendly Ghost, B-ball was never in the cards. I have played but being Irish seems to negate the ability to play hoops for me and most others.

2.) I scare people. This can be good and bad. Bad in the fact that I'm a big stupid puppy dog if you know me, so I really wouldn't ever feel the need to be terrifying. Good in the fact that if I'm walking through DC alone in any part of the city, I always feel pretty sure that I won't get mugged. Sometimes I think when I say something like, "Oh and could I please have a few napkins with that?" people are actually hearing, "I will grind your childrens' bones to dust to make my bread! URUKAI!!!!"

3.) Shitty knees. I've popped my knee out of place like a hundred times and its due to my being tall and thus being more susceptable to it.

4.) Having to sit in seats like on airplanes or the metro. These seats weren't made with tall people in mind. I'm constantly having to move my knees to the side or look ridiculous sitting in these seats made for no one over 5'10. Ugh.

5.) If I was on the run from the police, they could instantly find me from anywhere at all times. I could just hear the police radio now.

"Be on the lookout for a 6'6 wait I see him. Get the tear gas."

6.) I constantly hit my head on things. Its so annoying. But again, doorways and street lights were made for the shorter people of the world.

7.) I would be instantly shot in Japan for fear I was one of their mythological monsters of yore, like Godzilla or Nixon.

So while there are advantages, I wouldn't mind being at a nice 5'10 or so.


*Note, Anupama being awesome is the expressed opinion of Evan Valentine due to her insistence on being mentioned in the blog under threat of withholding her free job booze.*

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