Thursday, May 7, 2009

Go Fuck Yourself Barry Allen!

Go on! Get out of here! No one wants you here! Get offa my lawn with your bow ties and your ability to run faster than the speed of light! GO ON!

Listen its not you, its us. We've moved on. You had some good stories but you were before our time and we learned to love somebody else. His name's Wallace. Yes I know, he's your nephew and everything but he's just like you, know....interesting.

And your track record as the Flash isn't exactly the greatest thing in the world.

Great, now the Abraham Lincoln of the future is dead. Way to go Barry, great job. Way to stand there and watch instead of you know running and doing something about it.

You just....and I really wasn't going to go here but you've forced me just can't do anything right. I don't know what's to be done with you. You just keep disappointing everyone at every turn and its starting to get more than a little embarassing.

Wow, as if things couldn't get any worse, now the psychic gorilla is telling me that he's stolen your clothes. So now you're out there naked, bringing even more shame to your family and friends. Wonderful. Terrific. Spectacular. No really good job. Wow, its so great to have you back Barry.

Even more insult to injury, the Reverse Flash is now banging your girlfriend disguised as you. Ouch. He's the reverse of you so she probably figured out he wasn't you pretty quick when he wasn't asking her to borrow money or biting his toe nails at her in laws' house in front of them or using his super speed in the bedroom.

You're a police detective Barry, you should really solve the mystery of why you suck at life. Maybe its because you wear a bow tie. Mystery solved. Flash Fact.

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