Monday, April 20, 2009

The most terrifying animal of all time

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Goblin Shark.

Yes the Goblin Shark. I was innocently watching television yesterday, recovering from a nice long weekend, when I noticed a show that was called "Quest for the Goblin Shark". After looking at a picture of this horrifying creature, I thought for sure that they were surely questing for the Goblin Shark to have it killed before it wrecked havoc on mankind. I was wrong. They were merely observing it. The crew was later found all dead in their submarine, with the words, "Goblin Shark 4 Life" painted on the walls.

I guess it will always be a mystery as to what exactly happened to the crew.

Little known facts I learned about the Goblin Shark from this documentary:

1.) The Goblin Shark has the ability to kill you merely by knowing that you exist seven days after the fact.

2.) The Goblin Shark was the basis for the character "Freddy Krueger" as it can also stalk small children in their dreams and kill them.

3.) The Goblin Shark can only be killed with silver bullets launched out of an octopus.

4.) The Goblin Shark is known as the Goblin Shark, not because of its resemblance to a horrific goblin, rather because it has evolved to the point where it has "secret arms" that allow it to stumble onto land and club unsuspecting passer bys with its bone club, dragging them screaming back into the ocean depths.

5.) The Goblin Shark lives on a steady diet of shrimp, carp, and evil deeds.

6.) The Goblin Shark's bellow sounds surprisingly close to, "I'll swallow your soul!"

Pleasant Dreams.

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