Twilight Chapter 1: The Twilighting
"DON'T TOUCH MY TRUCK!"
"I'm from Mysterytown."
"MysteryTOWN? Uggghhh. That means you're from the country! Countrygirl! We instantly hate you! Right girls?" The cheerleaders nodded in unison, looking at each other and shaking their pom poms in unison. "You are such a loser. You should wear a bonnet on that perfectly proportioned head on top of that dead sexy body with no real imperfections to speak of."
"Stop it! You're so cruel." Susan wept openly, the cheerleaders chewing their gum and laughing in unison. Susan, in her confusion, tripped like a person with Down Syndrome on a nearby ledge only to witness an oncoming delivery truck hurling straight toward her. The driver was too busy reading Des Cartes to notice that Susan was there! Oh no!
"Ain't no thang." The figure stood up and brushed off his shoulder, before giving the driver the evil eye and walking away.
"My name....is DJ Vampire 'n Shit." DJ Vampire 'n Shit instantly put on his Berkley sunglasses and snapped his fingers like it didn't matter at all. He began walking away as Susan followed.
"Well McAverage, if you want to survive in the town of Mysteryville, I would suggest you watch where you be steppin."
"I go to the school of the damned. I play kickball in the nether regions of human darkness and sorrow. I eat lunch in the cafeteria of longing and pain. I dissect frogs in the science lab of despair. I go to the prom in the gym of nihilism. After school I get picked up by my mom in the minivan of degradation and sin."
"I think you know what I am. Say it!"
".....Are you a Frankenstein?" DJ Vampire slapped himself in the forehead. "Oh no I know. You're a mummy. That's why you're so pale."
"I'm a vampire bitch! DJ Vampire n Shit. God damn! You got a case of the stupids or something?" Susan looked at him with a confused look, causing DJ to roll his eyes. "Man whatever. Listen you want to go hit up my car and do the deed 'fore you got to be a bitch and go to school?"
"But if you're a vampire who's a million years old, wouldn't that be considered pedophilia?"
"DJ VAMPIRE N SHIT!" A booming voice burst through the night air, because it was night now for some reason. "WE MUST HAVE WORDS!"
"WHO THAT IS?" DJ Vampire responded.
"Oh shit, my brother Gotta Be Fighting Them Hoes Off With My Fangs 'N Crap." DJ Vampire 'N Shit was astonished to see his brother Gotta Be Fighting Them Hoes Off With My Fangs 'N Crap. The two brothers were almost exactly alike, but Gotta Be Fighting Them Hoes Off With My Fangs 'N Crap was bigger, stronger, hair was taller, and was all around better looking than his younger brother.
"We must settle our age old conflict. After countless eons of struggle, this age old battle must end and only one of us may survive the night, which it is now......which makes complete sense."