Monday, July 20, 2009

"Shaq vs" Oh the humanity.

Shaq is a rich man. Shaq is a man who can play a great game of basketball. Shaq is not very good at other things, but believes himself to be, which makes for a pretty entertaining time whenever you watch him do....well....anything really. This is why I am really looking forward to the newest show that Shaq has in the works which is appropriately named, "SHAQ VS."

Shaq has decided that all who oppose him will be crushed, but not only crushed by either him pummeling them to death with his mighty fists or him schooling them on the courts in basketball, oh no, in order to dispense justice, Shaq will own all fools in their God given talents. Shaq will compete with Michael Phelps in a "Who can swim the fastest competition" Oh I can just see how this is going to go.

Future competitions will include: Football against Ben Roethlisberger, Tennis against Serena Williams, Beach Volleyball against Kerri Walsh, boxing against Oscar De La Hoya, and the ability to create life against God. Shaq may actually be able to wreck Oscar De La Hoya in boxing if you think about it and I bet God is quaking in his boots on the life thing.

I say to Shaq, why stop at sports and deity competitions? Why not show your dominance in all walks of life? Take on the greatest teacher in the world and teach HIM knowledge on the world of Shaq (which includes the Superman Symbol, Kazaam, and DUNKING SICK BASKETS!). Take on Barack Obama in a presidential contest by balancing the country's budget....BY DUNKING OVER HIM! There's an old woman across the street from me who says she can macromai herself a sweet tea cozy, beat her at her own game.....BY BRINGING IT TO HOLE! While we're at it, why don't you show Elton John that....

I was actually going to say beating him in a piano playing competition but good effort Shaq, eye of the tiger! I look forward to your future endeavors, and hope that when you, Shaq, become president of basketball, you'll remember the little people who made it possible, like me, writing this blog entry.

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