Green Lantern is a racist!

Wow. What an asshole that Green Lantern is. SO racist. Every time I see him, all I can think of is how he uses his ring at clan rallies and Republican conventions. We all seem to be missing out on the real threat here, which is those fucking purple skin assholes. Man, they are always getting into my business like, "Hey, I have purple skin. Back off! What you want man? Just mind your business. Just mind your business."


But Evan, you say, Green Lantern isn't a racist just cause that guy says so. You're right, he's a racist because he fights "villains" who are committing "evil" deeds. "Villains" like the aptly named "Black Hand".

Man, what a raw deal this guy got. All he was doing was looking for his car keys using lit up dildo he found in his grandmothers closet. He wears the costume with an arrow on the mask so he remembers how to put it on. Yes, not only is the Black Hand representing his pride in another race, he also has down syndrome. Wow, Hal Jordan just takes pot shots at everybody.

And when Black Hand couldn't find his keys to drive Mr. Green Lantern to the store to get a pack of smokes, what do you think Mr. Jordan did?Yep, he burned his hand off. Oh the irony is delicious and wrong.

But you know what Black Hand is going to be all right. He's an optimistic guy and surely the loss of his hand won't deter him from achieving his dreams. Right BH?

JESUS CHRIST NO! BLACK HAND! He was THREE DAYS FROM RETIRING! OH THE PAIN OF IT!

Listen, if you're offered a power ring that turns you into a space cop, do the right thing and don't let the power go to your head. And also don't be a small infant.