Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Dear Robocop

Dear Robocop,

Hi! My name is Evan. My mom told me to write you a letter even though she tells me that you are not real after hurling whiskey bottles at my head. She tells me its a game to see how long it takes for her to shut my "smart mouth". Anywhos, hello!

I just want to let you know that you are awesome. I like the way that you are Robocop. I like when you tell mean people to "FREEZE!" When they do not freeze, you are then Robocop to them. What is it like being Robocop? It is sometimes hard to be Evan, but I think it can also be hard to be Robocop.

When I grow up, I want to be just like you Robocop. Carry a gun, eat baby formula, and look like Cyclops from X-Men. Do they have the internet where you are from? 

My dad also told me that Robocop is not real, I screamed and screamed. I held my breath until my dad admitted that you were real. He then told me to buy him some cigarettes and aftershave, as he had a long night ahead of him working at the Home Depot.

I do not like the Melting Man in your movie. He's scary. Tell him to stop melting.

Do you work for Dick Jones? I heard that he was a bad guy and people should not work for him. 

I saw in your movie that you have prime diructives. I have prime diructives to. Mine are "Stop wetting the bed faggot!" and "Sit up straight and hold mommy's hair back!" 

Take me away from here Robocop. I don't like it here and I've heard such great things about Detroit. Do jobs grow on trees there?

Anywhos, I know that you are busy being Robocop so I will say good night to you now. I hope that you liked my letter and that you continue being Robocop.

Evan Valentine
Age 29

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